The New Yorker
Salon
The Onion (stories)
- Sci-Fi Writer Attributes Everything Mysterious to ‘Quantum’ Flux
- Brawny, Bounty CEOs Wearing Down Patience Of Mutual Friend
The Onion (headlines only)
- 40-Foot American Flag Pin Welded To Statue Of Liberty
- Stalker Spaces On Why He’s In Sandra Oh’s Garage
- Biggest Loser In High School Adjusting To Being Ordinary Loser In College
- Attractive Woman Receives Hamster Compliments Of Gentlemen On Other Side Of Pet Store
- Gay War Hero Awarded Posthumous Dishonorable Discharge At White House Ceremony
- Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain
- New ‘Gatorade Slow’ Targets Lazy Demographic
- Audio Guide Clearly Hates Degas
- Bailiff Can’t Help Wondering What Life Would Be Like On Other Side Of Judge
- Microsoft Ad Campaign Crashing Nation’s Televisions
- Landlord Explains Difference Between Bad Roaches, Kind You Have
- Struggling Americans Forced To Work Extra-Dimensional Fourth Shift
- Recovering Sex Addict Can’t Even Be In Same Room As Orgasm
- Strongerman Squeezes Phone Book Halves Back Together
- Powerful Rest And Fluids Industry Influencing Doctors’ Treatment Of Colds
- Neighborly Days Inn Guest Brings Welcome Basket To New People Across Hall
- Area Man Gets Badass Community Service Tattoo
- Guidance Counselor Reminds Self-Mutilating Drug User About SAT Deadlines
- Area Man Seated Next To Lou Reed On Roller Coaster
- Area Man Prepares for Risky 20-Page Stapling
- Redcoat Holdouts Still Fighting American Revolution
- Heroic Pickles Holding Lid Shut From Inside
- Area Man Didn’t Know Restaurant Had Upstairs
- Alien Parasite Can’t Find Way Out Of Fat Astronaut
- Wheelchair Athlete Fakes Recovery To Get Out Of Practice
- Art Professor Revealed To Be Convincing Fake
- Hypothermic Stripper Nearly Dies Inside Ice-Cream Cake
- We Regret Asking Americans To Talk About Faith
- Complaint About Food Preceded By Exoneration Of Waitress
- Dye Pack Foils Art Thief
- Pet Owner Not Bothering To Neuter Loser Cat
- Researchers Quietly Chuckling At Placebo Group
- Joe Walsh Executed To Keep ‘Eagles Greatest Hits’ Sales Ahead Of ‘Thriller’
- Area Couple Not Sure If Sex Was Tantric
- Obstetrician Hustler Acting Like He’s Never Performed Tubal Ligation In His Life
- The Divorce Was Unfortunate, But I’m Glad We Handled It Like Total Animals
- Legion of Terra-Cotta Mouseketeers Found Beneath Disney World
- Fitness Researchers Hail Discovery Of New Ab
- Man Mauled By Bear Lives To Tell About It For Three Minutes
- CIA Operative Leaves Spare Retina Under Rock Near Door
- Spotlight Discreetly Dimmed On Rampaging Circus Elephant
McSweeney’s Web
- Advice from a Person with a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology (Column 1)
- Advice from a Person with a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology (Column 2)
- Advice from a Person with a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology (Column 3)
- Advice from a Person with a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology (Column 4)
- Service Changes
- I Came, I Saw, I Said
- Operation Iraqi Free Gun
- Please Take
- Andy Rooney Will Seat You Now
- I’m Beginning to Think No One’s Coming to My Cinco de Mayo Party
- When a Stranger E-Mails
- The Elements of Spam
- Your New Personal Trainer
- Everyone Knows Jose
- Notes from a Blizzard Shut-In
- Amendments to the Pub Crawl
- A Week on the Set with the Wal-Mart Smiley
- Enrichment Is Wasted on Me: Remembrances of Unfinished Continuing Education Courses
- A Message from the Principal
- Talk Different: An Alternative to Idle Conversation
- I Enjoy Taunting Insomniacs
- Eleven Boxers Who Failed to Intimidate
- Reasons You’re No Longer Fit to Be an Architect
McSweeney’s Print
- The Future Dictionary of America
- Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans: the Best of McSweeney’s, Humor Category
Radar
- This Is Awkward: 100 Icebreakers to Avoid
- Help Yourself: 100 Self-Help Books You Can Do Without
- Giving Dangerously: 100 Secret Santa Gifts You Might Want to Reconsider
- Act Natural: 100 Ways We’re Trying to Go Green
- Help Wanting: 100 Things Not to Say in a Job Interview
- It’s Not Me, It’s You: 100 Signs You’re in the Wrong Relationship
- Dreams Deferred: 100 Reasons You Can’t Sleep
- The Dishonor Roll: 100 Signs Your College Isn’t Prestigious
23/6
Jewcy
- Oh, the Humanity! interview
Writer’s Digest
- The Roeder Report: Importance of Writing Environment
- The Roeder Report: Who Needs an Outline?
- The Roeder Report: Just Trying To Be Nice
- Oh, the Humanity! interview
Women’s Health
Cracked Magazine
- Are You Naked?: A Self-Evaluation, Sept/Oct 2006
Cracked.com
- Anatomy of a Dry Spell (A Complete Timeline)
- A Day in the Life of a Scratch-Off Ticket Purchase
- Sports Radio Phone Sex